The Wrong Books
Incorporating Non-associative Asynchronicity: the concept of intentionally mis-matching music and narrative to create an emotional juxtaposition that reflects the book’s themes of social ineptitude and delusion.
Experience the extraordinary satisfaction of deleting the ebook edition from your device before even bothering to read a word!
Honour the blasphemous death of trees used to print Wrongly Writing's paperback edition, which has a health warning in its front matter and a certificate of achievement in its rear.
Book 1 - Writing Wrongly
The first Wrong Book: the saga of an incomplete wanker
A book about writing the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels.
When the worst writer in the world self-publishes his books, the consequences are disastrous: illiteracy becomes something to aspire to and book burnings become rife. The publishing industry is left haemorrhaging credibility and verges on collapse. Its recovery will require more than just destroying said books: the same must be done to the mind that created them.
Written with little regard for punctuation, this sorta-biography is the story of one writer against the entire publishing industry. There’s lots of swearing and temper tantrums, as well as a brand new psychiatric illness. There’s also an excellent café scene, which although short, is worth mentioning.
“Dreadful. The title says it all. Except about it being dreadful.” - Carmen Schneider. Acquisitions Editor, PBA.
“The publishing industry is in upheaval, it’s true. But this just rubs vinegar into its wounds and garnishes it with slices of turd.” – Robert Tasher. MD, Banquet Press.
“It’s books like this that should have the internet banned.” - Malcolm Shrot-Faith, The Guardian.
Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits
Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits
Chapter 1 of Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits: Apartment Thirty
Chapter 2 of Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits: Bar Queued
Chapter 3 of Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits: Dinner Conversation
Book 2 - Wrongly Writing
The second Wrong Book: the ongoing saga of an incomplete wanker
Another book about writing the Dooven Books.
Follow a man barely deserving of the title as he flails through a turgid cesspit of human depravity, only to discover that he’s the one bunging up its U-bend.
As the ongoing saga of an incomplete wanker, this second Wrong Book has even more psychiatrists, anaphylaxis and cringing social ineptitude than the first, and proves that while editors exist for a reason, the author clearly doesn’t. Wrongly Writing promises a solid dose of banality that involves international drug smuggling operations, complications over library membership, and the Dutch.
Wrongly Writing: experience the shame.
“These books are like a bad meal: in poor taste and unfinished.” - Oleg Vanastanovitski, Russian Mafia Hitman (unconvicted).
“These books set the standard for having none.” - Errica Brown-Bowen, Self-Opinionator.
“Possibly the only books written containing uncomfortable silences.” - Messignton Blaese, Chief Architect, Baskin House Erect.
Book 3 - Spying Blindly
The third Wrong Book: where the saga of an incomplete wanker loses all credibility
It is one thing to be the worst writer in history, but quite another to stumble through two books recounting the fact, only to end up being recruited by MI6 because they believe that such utter social ineptitude can only be a triple bluff of a siesmic genius mastermind. That's what comes of inadvertent successful Albanian gun-running and smuggling massive transvestites across the Dutch border. Now, accompanied by Holly, Thomas must infiltrate the Schlecht Geschriebene Buchliebhabers before the Bibliothekskonkurs Singularity collpases the free world, leaving everything overrun by pornography and the Dutch, let alone save Janice from the sort of convoluted farce that you wouldn’t read about.
Oh, and they sees James Bond in the canteen.
The next Wrong Book: when being the best means being the worst.
