The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels
[Overview] [The Morigan Tetralogy]
[Book 1] [Book 2] [Book 3] [Book 4] [Book 5] [Book 6] [Book 7]
[Dooven Muzak] [About Oscar] [Quizzes]
Fluffy just got dangerous.
Discover the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, starring cats and dogs in high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases.
Their international jet-setting adventures, involving greed, espionage and the occasional foray into professional cheese shaping, have cats and dogs taking center stage in a series of humorous and absurdist adventures. Also known as the Dooven Books, the books are aimed at a new adult audience and epitomize the emerging New Fable fiction genre. Its anthropomorphism permits a society recognizable as our own while allowing eccentricity to be the norm, rather than the exception, and absurdity to become eccentricity. This results in absurd societal behavior and ludicrous plots that permit a fresh perspective on storytelling. Were the characters human, this absurdity wouldn’t work. With their adventures set in vibrant and exotic locations, they have been described as "Wind in the Willows meets James Bond," though with fewer badgers. Although the books' characters are insane, the story-world is recognizable as our own, and with eccentricity as the norm rather than the exception, convention is not only turned upside down but shaken until some of its loose bits fall off.
While the premise of poetically inclined cats saving the world may seem absurd, New Fable brings credibility to the seemingly impossible and makes the absurd truly wonderful. Indeed, recently, sales of the series' Cinematic Audiobook Editions surpassed 10,000 copies, rendering it officially cult status, as reported by Scribl.com. So, join the growing community of readers who have fallen in love with this captivating series and embark on a literary adventure like no other, except for those that are similar.
The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels: where genius is a four-letter word, along with other spelling errors.
Books 1, 2 and 3
Books 4, 5, 6 and 7
When worlds teeter on the brink of utter chaos, the very fate of existence rests upon the shoulders of a reluctant Velvet Paw and an insane librarian who punches everyone in the face.
Across a sprawling tetralogy, a tapestry of narratives unfolds with more Doovenism than a warehouse full of the stuff. A struggle against the formidable Ar’dath-Irr, a poet of unparalleled power, threatens to unravel the very fabric of reality with the sort of absurdist New Fable that this genre has become marginally renowned for. As lines between sanity and madness blur, a huge cast grapple with loyalty, identity and the perilous allure of power.
This epic Dooven adventure comprises the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels and is produced as a Cinematic Audiobook. The Morigan Tetralogy is released in print, audiobook and ebook by Meridian, along with four supporting albums of music to ensure this penultimate New Fable saga is the epitome Thomas' polyauthoric writing philosophy.
The following credit roll showcases the tetralogy's sprawling adventure by listing its character cast along with music from the Cinematic Audiobook. It features the audiobook's closing song, "Oscar, We Love You," followed by "Starlit Shore," a track of poignant orchestration characteristic of the Dooven aesthetic.
Book 1 - The Purging Of Ruen
One Velvet Paw, a city on the brink and a plan that stinks.
Welcome to Ruen: where old money clashes with new rebellion, and justice is served, though not always tastefully.
In a world where cats and dogs act like people, absurdity reigns supreme.
Beneath the glittering crystal-chandelier glamour of Ruen, a bitter conflict brews between its Ruling Council and rebellious youth. Sent to investigate, Oscar Teabag-Dooven—earless, self-doubting and more poet than secret agent—finds the city poised to tear itself apart. Worse still, those causing the trouble are the ones running the place.
Drawn into a scandal of greed, lunacy and blackmail, Oscar teams up with Dervy, a young revolutionary, and Horace, an elderly doctor with a phobia of worming ointments. Together, they must outwit the ruthless Sedervitz Tappen-Noo and the unhinged Pyjami before their audacious plan turns Ruen into a giant, malodorous toilet.
Unfortunately, things don’t go according to plan. Principally because they don’t have one.
Welcome to the New Fable fiction genre, where fluffy just got dangerous.
“Good writing can only take you so far. These books take you considerably further, and then leave you behind.” - Daniella Dragosi, Unimpressed.
“I recall finding my divorce papers a more compelling read.”
- Russell Piorre, Divorced.
“These books have plots so thin that I actually broke one.” - David Micheal Milan, Nineteenth Century Industrialist.
Book 2 - The World Is Badly Made
Beyond legend lies a reality so absurd it threatens to invert everything. Oscar Teabag-Dooven, poet by nature, Velvet Paw by necessity, is the only hope for a land on the brink of boiling over. Some books brighten the world. This one sets it aflame.
In a world where cats and dogs act like people, absurdity reigns supreme.
Bedlam threatens to engulf the world—unless Oscar can stop it, which he’s willing to try, provided he has an enormous breakfast first.
When the Tremblees, Arabesque’s ambitious aide d’camp, stumbles across a translation of an ancient language revealing the existence of a fabled stone, he vows to find it for greed and vengeance.
With a dead dog stuck to a car bonnet, some burst luggage, a blind bus driver and an enormous number of olives, Oscar Teabag-Dooven, his reluctant colleague Meesha and the Tieress of Arabesque race to prevent the Tremblees from plunging the world back into the Era of Bedlam, a terrifying chaos that plagued the land a thousand years ago.
Featuring stolen hearses, demolished cafés and a mad dash across Arabesque, this ludicrous journey pits intuition against ambition, where only the wildest plans stand a chance.
Welcome to the New Fable fiction genre, where fluffy just got dangerous.
“Corfield blurs the boundary between rubbish and garbage, and does justice to neither.” - Aiden White, Barrington Points Lighthouse Keeper
“The plot is only held together by the book’s tangled and convoluted sentences.” - Tiffany Parlek, Mortal Goddess.
“A two-in-the-morning page turner, but only because each one’s so hard to get through.” – Pannel Norbit, Curator of Exotic Fungal Infections.
Book 3 - The Alchemists Of Vra
When dark magic and deceit collide, the biggest threat also becomes the most ridiculous. Forget what you know about heroes: this one’s earless, accident-prone and remarkably ineffective.
In a world where cats and dogs act like people, absurdity reigns supreme.
With Sinson Rascalion threatening to plunge society into darkness, Oscar Teabag-Dooven is once again thrown into the fray. After stumbling upon the arrogant bard The Dodosette and the beautiful cat Vaasi-Vee, the unlikely trio argue their way across the world to do something about it.
With lots of begging, too much snow and a wake of shattered infrastructure increasingly synonymous with these books, they set off on a ludicrous journey into the politically absurd. They did not, however, anticipate having to fight invisible Rottweilers, smash kitchens to pieces, lick frozen cars or fund taxi drivers’ sister’s eye operations. But for Oscar Teabag-Dooven, such absurdity is becoming routine.
Welcome back to the New Fable fiction genre, where fluffy just got dangerous.
“Corfield keeps you guessing until the end, and then for some time afterwards.” - Nathan Fueruer, Uninsurable.
“These books are like a bad meal: in poor taste and unfinished.” - Oleg Vanastanovitski, Russian Mafia Hitman (unconvicted).
“Judging by their stupidity, these books are clearly written from experience.” - Christian Lauder, Aspiring Capricorn.
Book 4 - When Fear Is Not Afraid
Reality is breaking, verse is to blame, and Oscar Teabag-Dooven is absolutely the wrong cat to fix it.
Oscar never meant to get tangled in a plot involving forbidden vaults, exploding cafés and an ex-poet turned reality-warping megalomaniac. But here he is, paws-deep in syllables and sabotage, trying to stop a transformation that could obliterate everything.
Joined by Tabby Miss Cakes, an insane librarian who punches everyone in the face, they become the most unlikely duo to save reality. As powerful poets conspire to re-scribe the world itself, they’re the only hope against a conspiracy that threatens to plunge civilization into an Armageddon that makes Bedlam of the second Dooven book look like a good way to cook eggs.
Hilariously deadpan, wildly inventive and threaded with unexpected poignancy, When Fear Is Not Afraid launches the Velvet Paw of Asquith’s Morigan Tetralogy with flair, fire and masses of confusion.
Welcome back to the New Fable fiction genre, where fluffy just got even dangerouser.
“Finally, a reason to remain illiterate. Much like the author, I suspect.” - Damian Smith-Meyers, Accountant, Billiot Financial.
“What’s the difference between Corfield and Byron? Pretty much everything.” - Simon Davidson, Byronian Scholar.
“Corfield is a dreamer of everything and a master of nothing.” - Phillip P. Burgess, Professor of Anatomy, UAMS.
Book 5 - With Eyes No Longer Blind
The city of Liebe is gone and Oscar presumed dead. With Tabby Miss Cakes adrift in a crumbling realm of myth and memory, she is not sure what’s real anymore—or if anything ever was.
When Oscar reappears, inexplicably alive, the two stumble into a bizarrely wholesome world where animals sand horses, kindness is weaponised and no one seems to notice the sky is falling.
That’s because a poet is eating reality.
The Ar’dath-Irr, a lunatic bard of monstrous power, is enslaving writers to pen a reality-warping Creed. His disciples are many. His Muse is now airborne and terrifying. And Oscar? He’s caught in the middle—again.
Teaming up with Jeffemeries, an exploding-bun enthusiast, Oscar and Tabby must navigate a surreal landscape filled with monstrous beasts, curried pumpkins, spoon-waving cultists and a clinically confused populace. But as lies unravel, their friendship—and whatever hope remains—is ravaged by an oncoming tsunami of madness.
Part fever dream, part odyssey, part philosophical slapstick, With Eyes No Longer Blind is a journey into utter absurdity and clinical insanity.
Book 2 of the Morigan Tetralogy. It’s poetic, deadly and Oscar is absolutely the wrong cat to star in it.
“So many misprints, it’s like an entirely new language.” - Sampson Braithwaithe.
“120,000 poorly chosen words.” - Rashud Inplala, Social Commentator.
“These books set the standard for having none.” - Errica Brown-Bowen, Self Opinionator.
Book 6 - To Blunt The Sharpest Claw
Oscar Teabag-Dooven, former Velvet Paw of Asquith and occasional poet, is ready to leave the chaos behind. Having faced tendony beasts, collapsing palaces, poetic terrorists and exploding pastries, he’d much prefer foccussing on the opening night of his theatrical debut. Unfortunately, the world has other ideas.
With monstrous, skinless creatures tearing across kingdoms and the sinister Ar’dath-Irr wielding dark magic like its going out of fashion, Oscar is again hailed as the hero that entire planets need. But he’s not interested. He’s tired, jaded and more invested in rhyming couplets than strategic warfare.
But when your verse is bad enough to incite mass genocide, and rage is the only thing standing between innocence and annihilation, you work with what you’ve got.
While Tabby Miss Cakes and a cast of hundreds turns a peaceful world into a stage for extreme violence and loathing, Oscar prepares to debut his masterpiece. Too bad the Ar’dath-Irr arrives first—and he’s brought the end of everything with him.
Book 3 of the Morigan Tetralogy: Where poetry is peril, fluff is fatal, and the show must definitely not go on.
To Blunt The Sharpest Claw is a battle cry for the disillusioned, a laugh-out-loud tale of misfired destiny and a reminder that sometimes the sharpest weapons are words, particularly when containing pointy letters.
“This much rubbish from only 26 letters?” - Gavin and Stephen Rye, Inflammatory Garbage Collectors.
“Corfield blurs the boundary between rubbish and garbage, and does justice to neither.” - Aiden White, Barrington Points Lighthouse Keeper.
“Judging by their stupidity, these books are clearly written from experience.” - Christian Lauder, Aspiring Capricorn.
Book 7 - A Masterful Revenge
The villain’s a poet, the weapon is verse, and the whole world’s a stage.
The Ar’dath-Irr’s final act is nearly complete — and the applause will be apocalyptic.
Oscar Teabag-Dooven, once a Velvet Paw, is all that stands between a fractured universe and total obliteration.
But Oscar wanted to be a poet, not a hero, not a destroyer, and certainly not the most loathed animal on the planet. After his avant-garde recital triggers mass death, suspicious reincarnations and catastrophic misunderstandings involving curry, he’s the only one left to blame.
With his reputation in ruins and a war effort rising, Oscar and a huge cast must navigate a broken world filled with inverted corpses, bureaucratic panic and a vengeful poet-dog whose power defies life itself. Revenge seems like the only reasonable response. But in a world where hugs are abolished and poetry causes mass casualties, reason is a dangerous thing.
Joined by armies and navies orchestrated under Operation Fluffy Cloud, Oscar must confront his greatest fear: that this entire war might just be about him.
This is the climax of the Morigan Tetralogy: where poetry bends worlds and the end of everything smells faintly of cinnamon and petrol.
“Highly likely they take longer to read than they do to write.” - Gary, Freelance Impregnator.
“While reading this I was transported elsewhere, although I was on a bus at the time.” - Karen Dubonis, Breeder.
“I am literally lost for words, though not nearly as lost as the author.” - Stamford Black, Designer.
About the Dooven Books
Book Quizzes
Once you've read a Dooven book - even the free abridged version - you can answer a quiz about it and win some fantastic prizes. Except that they aren't particularly fantastic, and consist of a certificate that you have to print out yourself, and a letter from Oscar Teabag-Dooven in his own paw writing. But it's the thought that counts. At least it would be had there been any.