Cinematics Are Go!


The Dooven Books have recently been re-released after being extensively re-written, re-recorded and re-produced. Hours of fresh, vibrant and exciting Doovenism are now available globally, with lush orchestrations and even greater ludicrousness than ever before. The team involved, which comprised individuals rom both PBA and BM Media, is thrilled that the project is over, not least because it means they don't have to be in Thomas' vicinity any longer. At least two of BM Media's key staff changed career part way through the project in protest against Thomas' inability to interact with anyone without causing offence so massive that it borders on allergic reaction.


"It's not my fault," says Thomas, after being released on good behaviour. "They kept telling me to re- read passages into their microphone after I'd done so several times already. It's not my fault they kept forgetting to press record."


Ironically, it was his fault, as his laborious and foul nature, indispersed with gratuitous profanities when unable to read his own writing, pushed everyone involved with the project into the sort of stressful situations that tactical hostage negotiations were originally invented for. Nevertheless, because of legal obligations, the project has been completed and no one has died. At least, not in a literal sense, though most feel that way on the inside.


"He's just such a wanker," says Andrew Cameron, producer for the project. "He gets on everyone's nerves, despite the extent to which everyone tries staying away from him physically. At one stage there were more volunteers to go out and get the coffees than there were people remaining behind to eventually drink them, which says a great deal in itself, considering how few of us involved drink coffee. Not that we dislike it, you understand, but Thomas' wankeriness impacts so heavily on his narrative style that beverages are sprayed across the mixing desk each time he threw a temper tantrum or a shoe."


Accompanying the re-release of the first three Cinematic Audiobooks is a new website, new cover art and the soon to be released Sample Chapter Reinvention project for each title. All this is in anticipation of the fourth title, When Fear Is Not Afraid, especially its Cinematic Audiobook edition, which readers and listeners are already asking about.


"It is ironic, certainly," Andrew says, "that there is so much interest in the next book when all of us involved in the first three are so completely sick of them and him. Clearly, what comes across in his books is quite sought after, whereas the man himself is repugnant."


Excerpts from the new Cinematic Audiobooks will be posted shortly.

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