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Sleeve Notes For Dooven Muzak

First Album

This first album of Dooven Muzak was written to showcase the theme music for the first books in the series, in particularly, the orchestral scores. ‘The Catacomb’s Anthem’ received some acclaim from DDM Music because of their interest in film soundtracks of the late 60s and early 70s. As a consequence, Tasty, Pooh and Corfield continued in this vein with the books’ theme music, ‘Oscar's Theme’ and the ‘Beaches Of Barras’, later adding their own influences of electronica in ‘Moonlight On Rooftops’ and ‘Sail Across The Sky’ (one of Corfield's favourites, reportedly describing the hot air balloons above Lubnatsi, a city from the fifth book). But these later tracks failed to gain DDM's interest, as the writers' tendency toward the electronic had strayed too far from their niche. When they no longer returned the writers' telephone calls, Corfield is reported to have cried solidly for three weeks. This has not been verified, however, partly because it's known to be medically impossible.

Second Album

As a protest to DDM’s lack of interest, Tasty, Pooh and Corfield began work on their second album with a much harder and commercial disco feel. They recruited the production skills of Jasper Jones, who’s worked on albums with JJ Kilo, Phat Bace and Lucinda K, all of whom have gone on to notable obscurity. Over a period of two months they wrote ten tracks. Fortunately, there was minimal lyric writing involved, so Corfield’s contribution was limited, other than the lines “If you can wait” and “I am still waiting until the end of time” featured on ‘Mingling With Whiskers Raised’, neither of which were spelt correctly and both of which exemplify Corfield’s deep and often gut-wrenching literative inability. ‘Oscar Action Cat’ was heard by the influential music video producer Stephen Morphet, who’d produced clips in the late nineties for EXIT, Sloberra and Displacement Theory, and who suggested creating a vibrant clip in order to distract from the track’s inherent lack of appeal. Although Tasty and Pooh were keen, Corfield was not, concerned that video would take their music into realms that they were not prepared for—until Morphet pointed out that their music was nowhere near any realms to begin with. 

Third Album

Riding a tide of no success whatsoever, Tasty, Pooh and Corfield’s denial blossomed into a veritable garden of delusion that culminated with a three month recording session in a Paris basement resulting in this, their third album of Dooven Muzak. Their original plan, if they’d had one, was for two months, but a misunderstanding involving Tasty, two underage girls and a box of Kleenex meant production was suspended until bail was arranged and witnesses influenced. It was during this lull in recording that Corfield tried writing an operatic libretto, which, although spelt even worse than some of the closing chapters of his fourth Dooven Book, was misinterpreted as Italian and subsequently used to absolve Tasty of said charges through some misplaced court documents, a blind bicycle courier and a poorly labelled in-tray. This misadventure may have been responsible for the album’s eclectic collection of styles, but in an interview for Radio Holland’s hit youth underground music programme Dat Klinkt Godverdomme (That Sounds Like Shit), the three musicians suggested it was more likely due to Corfield’s determination to experiment with classical operatic libretto when he was perfectly aware he should have nothing to do with words in any form or indeed, in any language.

Fourth Album

Following Corfield’s foray into libretto, the three writers had an argument regarding it that rendered the word an obscenity. As a result, Tasty and Pooh refused to have any further involvement with Corfield, convinced he was responsible for their lack of success. Corfield disputed this by punching both musicians in the bollocks. Fortunately, only Pooh was affected, as Tasty’s infamously ruptured foreskin had him resistant to scrotal trauma thanks to heavy scarring. Nevertheless, the relationship between the three had degraded to utter dysfunction, rather like Tasty’s genitalia, and it wasn’t long before tasty and Pooh continued their work on this fourth album without Corfield’s influence. This may be why the tracks on it feature words, something neither musician dared employ while Corfield was involved, not only because of his dreadful spelling, but because his apostrophe use borders on painful.  The words to ‘I Will Something’, for example, were written by Hudson Klemp, who happened to be delivering a pizza one evening and who had his own pen, while the lyrics to ‘Loving You’ were written by Sasha Vermain, who was going out with Tasty, despite his disfigured penis, and who’d been pestering him about having a holiday in Italy before her gender reassignment operation the following Spring.

Fifth Album (available to those signing up to the Dooven Newsletter)

The only way JCMP was going to get airplay was if the artists set up their own broadcaster, which they managed courtesy of Tasty’s association with a local gun club and some very threatening behaviour. Dooven Muzak began streaming on DoovenFM! Shortly afterwards and now broadcasts Dooven Muzak everyday, even while you’re sleeping, which is fine because no one listens to it. Sadly, because of Tasty complete disregard for anyone but himself, the terms and conditions of the casting service were wantonly exploited, resulting in their airplay defaulting to one day of streaming per month—which is also fine because no one listens to it. There is, however, an on-demand player during off-air periods, which has never been used either. Pooh’s disappointment in his colleague’s behaviour was so great that he threatened to end their professional relationship—until Tasty pointed out that their music is so dreadful that they didn’t have a professional relationship. When Thomas, who’d been present during most of the argument, offered to step in and be Pooh’s friend, Pooh relented and hugged Tasty so hard that Thomas hadn’t a hope of joining in, though tried until beaten unconcious.


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